empty

listening: Nothing

it's always been the fact that i like to think too much. i'm always thinking what the hell is wrong with my life and still i can't sort it out. my friends adviced me. you are thinking far too much. but once again. the thing people do, the thing my "FRIENDS" do set me thinking.

how insignificant am i to all my friends? i am the one always got left behind. you guys never cared. NEVER. how many people actually can put their hand over their chest and swear in front of me that you actually cared. if you dare to do that in front of me, i will compliment you, but nonetheless i will say you are fucking bullshitting. all you guys ever do is criticise and criticise but none, and i said NONE of you actually think about yourself in the first place before you criticise. i'm just so insignificant. you need help, you will think of me. to think i will still render my help willingly. when you don't need me. you can forget that there's this person called 'eng hua' in this world. or maybe deep down inside, i don't even exist. it's all just a pack of lies. i'm just wasting my time with you guys. ALL you guys.

i tried to think, who is actually there for me when i really needed help. it's just so sad when you reach a point of realisation that out of so many friends. SO MANY "FRIENDS", none of them cared. what friends mean to you guys? a silly prank joke that you made just to spice up your life?

i ought to think more for myself.

i was dumb enough to believe your lies. you guys find me a chore? tell me straight in my face and i will jolly well get out of your life. well, forget it. then don't ever call me out. fancy bluffing me right in front of my nose and i don't even know. i'm dumb. very dumb. you may have your reasons. but i can say none of the reasons are valid enough to prove your innocence of lying to me. lying may be a crude word. but it links up to the word trust. so how much trust i have in you, you may not have it in me. it came to a point that i lost all trust and faith in all of you. people who have done this to me should jolly well rot in hell and i'm happy about it.

i'm down on my mood for these few days. don't fuck with me and you will be fine.