randomness

Watching - Cradle Of Filth : Cradle to Enslave

had my lunch. while bringing my plates to the basin. i turned back to see my mum. sitting there, alone. having her lunch. a sudden sadness struck me. i don't know why.
what paced through my mind was this.

it always seems that she's having meals at home alone. with no one to accompany her. with no one to talk to. she's just sitting down there having her meal. so quiet. the silence creeps me out. i really felt very uncomfortable to see that sight.

on another note, she's always asking if we're coming back home for dinner. we are always like kind of irritated because she kept asking it day after day. but now, i really felt unjust for her for a moment. maybe she just wants the family warmth.
the warmth of the whole family sitting down together for a meal. nothing beats the warmth of the whole family together to our parents.

we, now as teenagers may not see it this way. but once we grow up and have a family of our own. we will know how it feels like. asking the kids back for a meal. is that something very hard to accomplish? we are always giving excuses like we busy and stuff. but are we really THAT busy to just take out an hour of our time, just to sit down have a decent meal with our parents before continuing what we have on our hands?

we always never spare a thought for our parents. we always take them for granted. we always have all these regrets. we would have to face the fact that one day they will have to leave this world. whether we like it or not. no matter what we do now. when the day arrives, we will always blame and question ourselves. 'why didn't i spend more time with my parents? why didn't i do what a normal filial son/daughter will do? now that they are gone. what am i going to do without them?'

there's always this feel of emptiness in us whenever someone close to us just passed away.

we always hang phrases like 'my mum's such an ass. my mum's such a bitch. my parents are always so unreasonable. my parents never even thought about how i feel. my parents never cared about me.'

our parents won't reject something that's reasonable. it's either that's it's against their will or it's something that cannot be compromised. well, they gave birth to you. obviously they have all the rights to control what you do. even if there's nothing wrong in it. it's against their will, just compromise with them and everything will be alright.

all in all, whatever happens. our parents wants the best for us. about that lunch just now. my mum bought tons of ingredients from the 'yong tau foo' stall. even though she know that we cannot finish all the ingredients at lunch. but she will always think stuff like 'what if i didn't buy enough? then my kids will be starving. better buy more.' she will always put these thoughts at heart. she won't mind spending alittle but more. and THOSE are their hard earned money.

we never knew what our parents went through just to bring us up to who we are now. seriously, i felt real bad when i'm spending money like water. and they are working their guts out just to support the family. and the best thing is, my dad's nearing 60 and my mum's nearing 50. it's supposed to be an age where they should enjoy the life as a retiree. but NO! they are still working.

and have we really put ourselves into THEIR shoe? think about how they feel, and why are they feeling this way. how selfish we are, as their children. to think they put up with so much agony just for us. we are so much a bunch of ingrates.