devasted grin

Watching : Marilyn Manson - the dope show

last year this time, i was facing a most critical time of the year. fast enough, a year have passed. i was so upset. when recently, my mum told me while we are holding a conversation over lunch.

"This year, there's no need to call back to malaysia and tell 'wai po'(maternal grandma) happy new year already. There's no more hong bao from wai po already."

upon hearing this, i was so upset. in fact, i just feel like crying now when i'm typing this. i could still remember what took place on the day of burial. it's still vivid on my mind. i will never forget that day. the pain of the loss of a closed one is just so unbearable.

this year, is a good or bad year? i'm not sure, 2 of my friends have lost their closed one just recently. i feel, i share and i know how much they are going through. condolensces to these people.

the following few paragraphs will be semi-discrimination of christ and yet another how bastard is my brother story. i've given warning, so people of christ, if you so happen to see this warning. fair enough, i've warned you. read it or not it's up to you.

well, my mum is now chatting on the phone. she was recalling incidents of the funeral last year and is telling to one her friend. it's a form of respect and a form of gratitude to hold a joss stick for the deceased. thanking what the deceased have done for you. it's the least that you can do.

on the last day of the funeral, where we, the grand-sons and everyone related to my grand mother will have to pray to my grandmother for the last time. and we have to walk rounds and rounds around the coffin for some reason which i don't know why. and we kneeled in front of the altar to give our last respect.

being a christian, he would rather sit down there not doing anything and just cry. actions speak louder than words. so just what the fuck is he doing? so what he's a christian? it thoroughly make no sense. he claimed that being a christian, he is not allowed to do this kind of stuff.

did the pastor preach and say, 'ignore other religion. we are the mighty religion and we shall not give way to other religion. there's no way we are going to follow their religious enthics. even before your loved ones. even if they are dead. we stand by our principle and not do anything to give in to other religion.'

is this what you hear everytime you go to church? is that what they preach over at church? if that's the case. modern christianity is bullshit. i believe, jesus will not stop someone from offering a joss stick to the deceased one, someone you love.

it's the evolution. it's the evolution of people, and the preaching. the wrong idea they got from the holy bible. never did i say what jesus is preaching is wrong. it's the evoluted preaching that disgust me. that i came to a conclusion that modern christianity is bullshit.

so much for the devastating part.

it's still a blessing, to know that how much people still care for you. the way they treat you. i'm truly blessed with the people around me. some yes, some no. i judge it myself. but most of them, i really appreciate what they have done for me. i already have the best. the best in which few have found in their life. true friendship.

i'm truly grateful and elated over the past few weeks. i'll be waiting. ...