dong cheng

Listening : nothing

Lunar new year isn't that dreading as what i thought. you know why. yeah, my brother wasn't there much of the time. and if he is, i left early. so it's kind of cool! *laughs. reunion dinner, had lots of random stuffs that are so delicious.

first day of new year was way cool. maybe is because of the fact that he's not there and i got to be the only story teller to my cousins. ... after a year of disappearance from new year, due to my grnadma last year, i didn't realise i have this cousin that is so so pretty. well, can see only. *laughs. had a very long chat with my aunt. somehow or rather very closely related with my paternal grandma. she speaks english in a very professional way. well, i conversed with my half pail water english. it's all good. it's the first time i ever had such a long chat with an aunt.

left and went to HQ. was surprised not much people are there. so slacked around. till everyone arrived, then wen went on to my eldest uncle's house. it was there where the story telling starts.
told stories about my relationship and school life to my cousin. all those lame things we did in school, all those racist jokes.
after that, went back to HQ, had dinner, stayed a while longer. spent the night off with scrabble and some gambling. i left early to go hok san stay overnight.

went home, bathed, changed and i'm out of the building.

reached there, just nice, everyone arrived. talk cock, slacked, PS2 and sleep.

today's cai qing is still okay. just that i really gave in alot. now like dying of fatigue. injured my left and right thumb. left thumb was because of that damn lousy lorry, right thumb was because of the gong. ... shitty stuff happens even on auspicious days. well, not much uncles are there, so everything have to be the youngster do. today is like totally gave in alot. ate alot too. i still want those damn nice nuggets.

tomorrow will be another long day. but i guess it will be very fun. time passes by very fast when you are having fun. i think i have to go sleep already, tired and in prepare to have a more energised day tomorrow.

devasted grin

Watching : Marilyn Manson - the dope show

last year this time, i was facing a most critical time of the year. fast enough, a year have passed. i was so upset. when recently, my mum told me while we are holding a conversation over lunch.

"This year, there's no need to call back to malaysia and tell 'wai po'(maternal grandma) happy new year already. There's no more hong bao from wai po already."

upon hearing this, i was so upset. in fact, i just feel like crying now when i'm typing this. i could still remember what took place on the day of burial. it's still vivid on my mind. i will never forget that day. the pain of the loss of a closed one is just so unbearable.

this year, is a good or bad year? i'm not sure, 2 of my friends have lost their closed one just recently. i feel, i share and i know how much they are going through. condolensces to these people.

the following few paragraphs will be semi-discrimination of christ and yet another how bastard is my brother story. i've given warning, so people of christ, if you so happen to see this warning. fair enough, i've warned you. read it or not it's up to you.

well, my mum is now chatting on the phone. she was recalling incidents of the funeral last year and is telling to one her friend. it's a form of respect and a form of gratitude to hold a joss stick for the deceased. thanking what the deceased have done for you. it's the least that you can do.

on the last day of the funeral, where we, the grand-sons and everyone related to my grand mother will have to pray to my grandmother for the last time. and we have to walk rounds and rounds around the coffin for some reason which i don't know why. and we kneeled in front of the altar to give our last respect.

being a christian, he would rather sit down there not doing anything and just cry. actions speak louder than words. so just what the fuck is he doing? so what he's a christian? it thoroughly make no sense. he claimed that being a christian, he is not allowed to do this kind of stuff.

did the pastor preach and say, 'ignore other religion. we are the mighty religion and we shall not give way to other religion. there's no way we are going to follow their religious enthics. even before your loved ones. even if they are dead. we stand by our principle and not do anything to give in to other religion.'

is this what you hear everytime you go to church? is that what they preach over at church? if that's the case. modern christianity is bullshit. i believe, jesus will not stop someone from offering a joss stick to the deceased one, someone you love.

it's the evolution. it's the evolution of people, and the preaching. the wrong idea they got from the holy bible. never did i say what jesus is preaching is wrong. it's the evoluted preaching that disgust me. that i came to a conclusion that modern christianity is bullshit.

so much for the devastating part.

it's still a blessing, to know that how much people still care for you. the way they treat you. i'm truly blessed with the people around me. some yes, some no. i judge it myself. but most of them, i really appreciate what they have done for me. i already have the best. the best in which few have found in their life. true friendship.

i'm truly grateful and elated over the past few weeks. i'll be waiting. ...

conned

Watching : Bullet for my valentine - suffocating under words of sorrow

New year's just around the corner. the mood have not set in yet, but the holiday moods are there. will be having 4 days of holidays, in which 3 of them are 'working'. talked with paulo today, he let the whole class have one whole leave for next week wednesday.

just finished buying my new year clothes today. shall save up to get more.

yesterday, while shopping for clothes, saw a fighting incident. in my whole life, i have fought twice, but had never see (as in witness it as a spectator) a real fight before. the platform in between parco bugis and bugis street, the traffic light there is the scene of fight. i was minding my own business, when suddenly the crowd in front suddenly moved backwards, i was pushed behind of course. saw something swirling in the crowd. the crowd moved away and i saw a huge gang of people ganging up to beat up one pathetic guy. after the fight, the gang left that guy lying on the ground with only 3 of his friends around him. dumbfounded, the friends lift him up. he was quite alright, but i saw a patch of blood on the floor. it's somesort like the size of your fist. everything was back to normal after that.

quite a few incidents happened over the period of 2 days.

that's about all. tomorrow is another hectic day for me. but at night, i think i should be slacking about with my guitar in hand strumming away. or just doing some last minute packing of my room. well, my mum added another say big not big, say small not small closet in my room. which kind of irritated me. wish she could just take it off and just leave all her storage ideas alone. she seriously cramping up my space and everything.

*prays hard* march 18th, NTU people, please be busy, don't organise 'guan mo hui' on that day

mistake

Listening : Sum41 - Pieces

it's a mistake, it's all a mistake from the beginning. i dread myself everytime i dragged myself into this state of gloom. it's all a mistake. i pity myself and it hurts alot. i feel the pain, right here and now. but do you? your words are like daggers piercing through every part of my body. without warning, you gave me the wound of my life. a wound that will never recover. not even time can heal. it will be print into my memory, like a tattoo on the body. this painful memory will be here, for a long time. and perhaps, forever.

dampening spirit

Listening : Slipknot - Eeyore

NYP open house is fucked up! everything! the program co-ordinators, the people they invite. everything. everything. practice so hard yet schedule it off time. in the end, we cancelled the whole performance. went to RP after that. life on the road are hard. rain, no rain. then rain again. sucks.

yesterday went to hok san for training. well it's a so called training. the people from Singapore American School came. well, spent sometime with them. they are one bunch of nice people. and i really mean NICE. as in attitude and features. *laughs. went off to suntec with jessica and jiji. then jessica go work, then we walked around. intending to buy new year clothes. in the end i bought a damn cheap headphone. well, my finance plan is still not working. damn!!

will plan out for the 15 days for new year. want to get as much money as possible! *laughs.

misconceptions

Listening : Slipknot - Eeyore

everything's pretty fine this few days. the band got settled down with a name. it's Jigziester. cool.

school sucks, management are chasing me after my hair. blah.

went to open house with jasmine on thursday, this course diploma in music and audio in Singapore Polytechnic really appeals to me. it's cool to watch the lecturer compose a song out of nothing in front of you. if i pass my math......

today, slack at home till 6pm, went to meet daphne and jinying and her stead. accompany them walk till 11pm then go home.

not much to update though. tomorrow still need to wake up early and yet i'm still here. oh well.. it's just a performance. so yeah.

colourful life, dull life

Watching : Wednesday 13 - i love to say fuck

my computer is back online, after a few days of power supply problem.

i was meeting up with claris and jasmine to go and dye and cut my hair. i received a call from paulo. i thought he would be calling to ask why i didn't hand in my assignment. to my surprise, he called to ask me why i didn't turn up for my wireless fundamental. i said i have some family problem to tend to. here comes his real intention of the call.

Mr Paulo - 'The course manager, matthew wants to see you tomorrow in school. He wants to talk to you.'

Me - 'How he know i'm in your class?'

Mr Paulo - 'He saw you in the java class then check which class is in that class that time. So there.'

Me - 'What the fuck?! What that bloody indian want from me? Nevermind, tomorrow i will do up my hair. Relax.'

Mr Paulo - *laughs* 'You racist ah? hahahaha.. okayy la, you better make sure you do up your hair. Don't get me into trouble, he came to talk to me personally. wa lao, 1 1/2 hours leh. You remember to tell him i got counsell you ah.'

Me - 'Okay, i will tell him that. Rest assure, i won't get you into trouble. Thanks for telling me. Bye, take care'

Mr Paulo - 'Okay, you too, take care, bye'

That matthew is an ass.

nonetheless, i frustrated for a while, i went ahead with my red dying of hair. since i'm going to spray it black and answer him in a way as logically as possible. needless to say, i love it right now. as much as claris love hers too. though she will bitch about the length. but hey, i survived her bitching. *laughs.

jasmine curled her hair, but we got it done in 2 different salons. we left early because she urged us to. so we went ahead. sorry jasmine for leaving you behind.

today is a big challenge for me. i want to see what that bloody indian will say and what he have installed for me.

insignificant others

Listening : metal hammer compilation

why do i feel so insignificant in the class. why should i feel this way? well i'm not sure if i'm leaving ite. but i'm seriously into some serious shit where ite friends ARE JUST FRIENDS. can't treat them any closer. i've been trying to move away from them. stay or leave will still have to depend on my result.

try get scolded for playing a video. well he sleeps every other day. in fact everyday, so why the hell he come to school. might as well pass his ezlink card to someone call him help him tap in while he stay at home sleep. isn't it a better choice?

school in fact now to me is a chore. now i know how that particular girl feel. so cool you know. everyday roam around the school alone. how cool! well now the harm is done, no way of turning back, i guess i have to live like this and live with it.

things ain't the same anymore. this is the way i feel. you can't change it just by persuading. actually i really don't know the why the sudden mistreat but the feeling is there. drifting away from them. well, you get scolded every other day. get to see black faces every other day. got ignored every other day. being in this shit makes me thing so don't ask me why. these are signs of despise. i know and i can sense it. so i know my limits i just leave alone. it's best to leave than creating a hell lot of shit to the group and make them disperse right?

the group ain't significant anymore, at least to me. i'm back to the same old self.

ALONE

bull crappers

Listening : Slipknot - Three nil

not updating recently, due to the breaking down of computer. my brother *assholic one* broke it. and he have not even an inch of guilt. i fucking hate him. what ever, i'm sure none of you want to hear me bitch. sometimes, i do bitch more than a bitch!!

well, the day before, both claris and jasmine got the their equipments respectively. i'm happy for them and at the same time sad for myself. because the god damn air compressor set costs $200. and it's exclusive of the paints itself. think i can only get that at the end of march. jerry's guitar REALLY have to wait that long. well, i help him sand nice nice first. if not he will be stranded with only one guitar to use.

well, my planning and following of plans are very very sketchy and shitty. been down with all sorts of bad moods nowadays. but i don't tend to show them out. hope i won't get anyone affected by it. i just want time to be with myself.

Dizzyness

Listening - Finding Neverland

down with a dizzy spell, don't know what's wrong. try not to get so much bothered by it.

bored to death. not much to update. school's assignment, undone. shall go out with jerry and help him with his guitar stuff. i have a HUGE urge to customise his guitar. well, i would really want to do that.

2006 - good?

Watching - Mudvayne : Happy?

i'm truly disappointed by myself. utterly. enough said. happy 2006? a good start? i doubt so..

vicious cycle

Watching : Slipknot - Everything ends

a year is gone. out with the old and in with the new. i hope this applies to all my friends.

it's a vicious cycle again, starting. well, just hope that the year 2006 will not be as sucky as the year 2005. well, the year 2005 have it's fair share of us and downs for me. let's get started shall we?

Jan
I've lost someone i truly miss and love the most. it's my grand-mother. i'm still full of regrets now. it's very unfilial of me not to visit her whenever i can. well, it made me realise a lot about life through this stage. cherish whoever that are close to you. but no matter who much effort you put in, once the person departs, the sense of guilt will always be there. we will always think that what we have done is never enough. NEVER enough. i truly am guilty and sad that with myself that what an ingrate i can be. i will never want to experience this ever again in my life, but it's not a choice. i will have to go through it again. i just sincerely hope that it will not take place in the near future.

March
it's the time when i got my O level results and move on with life to another stage. i failed my math so practically, i have no where to go. it's the time when i can say i'm sort of regret. but now, it's no more of the regrets.

April
it's my kimberly's birth month. *cheers*

May
i won't let this build up inside of me.

June
While people are having their holidays, i'm BUSY! back to school. well, i got enrolled into ITE (simei). it's the time where i got to know a bunch of great friends. PM0504K was the class i got into and it's the best class so far. we are a bunch of future wireless technicians! we're rebellious, we are close and we are going strong. but sometimes also got quarrel. it's quite a place to be in. no one knows except for us!

July
new gadget, new hope. lost in the zonal competition. take it as an enriching experience.

August
SLIPKNOT'S in town! the gig was good. what do you expect? it's slipknot. it's a once in a lifetime and i hope it's not once. they promised us they will be back. i'm clinging very much on that promise. they gave me hope and the reason to move on in life. very irrelevant, but it applies to me.

October
it's the time where all the people go haywire, studying for O levels. and i have a new found hope. *grins* i sincerely hope everything will work out, but not pinning too much though. *laughs!

November
O level, lethargic as always, doing with whatever stuff i know. and a new band was formed.

December
Have been been busy with lots of stuff. catching up with friends and doing pretty much shitloads of assignment.

------------------------------------

new year resolution? not much.. i'm just trying to be as contented as possible with all the aspects of my life. i wish i could do the best out of it. i will work towards it.

now as for new year's eve. i was out at hok san busy BBQing. it was fun BUT i DO NOT wish to go into the details. because something happened. it's so sudden i have no time to react. URGH! after which, meiling and cai came. they had a chat with the elders while i BBQed some food for them. well, actually just satays. bryan and gang went to esplanade watch fireworks. it seems like they never see before fireworks. crazy people. went to cai's house to play mahjong. well, we took a cab. they are happy wishing the taxi uncle a happy new year while i was quite.. speechless.. killed time while waiting for jiji with mahjong.. he reached like 4 am before we started playing poker. dozed off after jiji suggested watching shows.. slept till 8am. went back home sleep. well, i lost quite a lot of money that night on mahjong. well, maybe not alot. meiling and cai still owe me the cab fare. *laughs!
slept till 1pm, prepared and went back to hok san for voting of new committee, before that was meeting. lots of criticism going on. well, after the voting. i got 4 positions at hok san. reluctant but nonetheless, no choice. slacked till 7pm went home.

as for today, did nothing much. helped out alittle with the housechores, read over 200 pages of 'angels and demons' because my eldest brother so called 'snatch away' the computer from me. so now he's gone. i'm back.

well, i'll update in an hour or so with the friend list. keep it coming guys! it's for the year 2006. hope i don't leave anyone out.

P.S.: if you survive reading through all these, well, this piece of news is not for you, unless you are either junting, claris, jasmine mong or jerry. well, i'm thinking of going to jam twice a month. is that alright with you guys? i'm open with options. keep those comments coming. thanks!

EDIT -
i've updated the friends list. if i ever miss out anyone, tag me and i will update. thanks!

i did a survey which obviously is a hoax. hui wen bluffed me into it. ... i guess the secret's with her. don't tell anyone alright! *laughs.