wu yan de jie jü

i'm lost, i'm confused. i feel so much hate, so much angst for myself. i'm always the hated and the hateful one. why can't i, just be happy? even for a moment? the sour feeling, the bitter taste? what does this mean? what's the implication behind it? i have no idea, and it's driving me nuts. why do one have to give such an impression that whatever i do, whatever i say, doesn't even worth the smallest amount of the smallest currency?

i hate this feeling. i simply hate it.